Уроки французского

Knyga Eduarda Topolya «Uroky frantsuzskogo» – eto legkoe sochetanye russkoy erotyky s puteshestvyem po Frantsyy y pervyy tom v seryy «Rossyya v postely» Tolko chto v yzdatelstve ISIA media Verlag, Germanyya, vyshly porussky «Uroky frantsuzskogo», pervaya knyga moey novoy seryy «Rossyya v postely». Srazu posle etykh strok ya slyshu negoduyushchye golosa moykh davnykh krytykov: opyat Topol opustylsya nyzhe poyasa! Kak mozhno v ego vozraste pysat pornografyyu! Nu, vopervykh, nazyvat erotyku pornografyey mogut tolko lyudy s doshkolnym seksualnym obrazovanyem. No ot nykh ya lovko spryatalsya za spynoy epygrafa, kotoryy glasyt: «Kto yz moykh zemlyakov ne uchylsya lyubovnoy nauke, Tot moyu knygu prochty y, nauchas, polyuby… Proch ot etykh stykhov, tselomudrennouzkye glazky, Proch, rasshytyy podol, spushchennyy nyzhe kolen! O bezopasnoy lyubvy ya pyshu, o dozvolennom blude, Net za mnoyu vyny y prestuplenyya net!» Ovydyy. Nauka lyubvy, konets I veka do novoy ery A, vovtorykh, chto eshche delat, kogda sydysh v bomboubezhyshche vo vremya beskonechnykh raketnykh obstrelov yz Yrana, Lyvana, sektora Gaza y Yemena, kak ne pysat o samom lyubymom v zhyzny zanyatyy? Poetomu moya knyga otkryvaetsya takym obrashchenyem: VSEM! VSEM! VSEM! A takzhe tem, kto skazhet: kak mozhno v moem vozraste pysat erotyku! I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU! Kogda y esly vy dozhyvete do moykh let (chego vam vsem zhelayu), to okazhetsya, chto pochty vse vashy druzyarovesnyky y rovesnytsy ushly, vashy dety y vnuky zvonyat vam vse rezhe y rezhe (esly dety ne zvonyat, znachyt u nykh vse v poryadke), sotsyalnye svyazy ogranychylys sobakoy y koshkoy y vse vashy rekordy, pryzy, zvanyya y dazhe oshybky y porazhenyya ushly v Letu y zabylys naproch. A vsyo, s chem vy ostalys y o chem vspomynaete pered snom y vo vremya bessonnytsy – eto lyubymye zhenshchyny (a u zhenshchyn – muzhchyny), s kotorymy vy byly v postely. A to y vovse tolko postely s lyubymymy zhenshchynamy (a u zhenshchyn – s muzhchynamy). POETOMU delayte eto seychas, delayte eto kazhduyu noch – KAZhDUYu noch! – chtoby v budushchem bylo chto vspomnyt y ne bylo muchytelno bolno za bestselno prozhytye nochy. Y pust v etykh darovannykh nam Svyshe deyanyyakh vam pomogut moy «Uroky frantsuzskogo».

Eduard Topol's book "French Lessons" is an easy combination of Russian eroticism with a trip to France and the first volume in the series "Russia in Bed" ISIA media Verlag, Germany, has just published French Lessons in Russian, the first book in my new series, Russia in Bed. Immediately after these lines, I hear the indignant voices of my long-time critics: the Poplar tree has sunk below the belt again! How can you write pornography at his age! Well, first of all, only people with pre-school sexual education can call eroticism pornography. But I cleverly hid from them behind the epigraph, which reads: "Who of my countrymen has not studied the science of love, Read my book and, having learned, love… Get away from these verses, chaste little eyes, Away with the embroidered hem, pulled down below the knees! I am writing about safe love, about permissible fornication., I have no guilt and no crime!" Ovid. The science of love, the end of the 1st century BC And secondly, what else can you do when you're sitting in a bomb shelter during endless rocket attacks from Iran, Lebanon, the Gaza Strip and Yemen, how not to write about your favorite activity in life? That's why my book opens with this message: EVERYONE! EVERYONE! EVERYONE! And also to those who say: How can you write erotica at my age! I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU! When and if you reach my age (which I wish you all), it will turn out that almost all your friends and peers are gone, your children and grandchildren are calling you less and less often (if the children don't call, then everything is fine with them), social ties are limited to a dog and a cat, and all your records, prizes, titles, and even mistakes and defeats faded into oblivion and were completely forgotten. And all that you are left with and what you remember before going to bed and during insomnia are the women you love (and women have men) with whom you were in bed. Or even only beds with the women you love (and for women, with men). SO do it now, do it every night – EVERY night! – so that in the future there will be something to remember and it won't be excruciatingly painful for aimlessly spent nights. And may my "French Lessons" help you in these God-given deeds.