Мы хотим по-разному. Интимные различия, из которых рождается близость в долгих отношениях

V dolgih otnosheniiah pochti neizbejno nastupaet moment, kogda jelaniia partnerov rashodiatsia. Odin hochet chashe. Drugoi — reje. Odin — spontannosti. Drugoi — romantiki. I vmesto blizosti poiavliaetsia napriajenie, obida i oshushenie, chto «s nami chto-to ne tak». Eta kniga ne o pravilnom sekse, a o tom, kak na samom dele ustroeno jelanie, pochemu razlichiia — eto norma, a ne problema, i kak prevratit ih iz istochnika konfliktov v tochku garmonii. Opiraias na masshtabnoe issledovanie bolee chem 5300 suprujeskih par, klinicheskii opiet seksopatologa i jiviee istorii realnieh ludei, avtorie Shaunti Feldhan i Maikl Sitsma obiasniaut:• pochemu mie oshibaemsia, dumaia, chto «normalniei» seks viegliadit odinakovo dlia vseh;• kak razlichiia v jelanii sviazanie s uiazvimostu, bezopasnostu i emocionalnoi sviazu;• chto deistvitelno usilivaet blizost v dolgih otnosheniiah i chto, naoborot, razrushaet ee, daje esli delaetsia iz luchshih pobujdenii.

In a long-term relationship, there almost inevitably comes a time when the desires of the partners diverge. One wants it more often. The other one is rarer. One is spontaneity. The other is romance. And instead of intimacy, there is tension, resentment, and a feeling that "something is wrong with us." This book is not about proper sex, but about how desire really works, why differences are the norm, not the problem, and how to turn them from a source of conflict into a point of harmony. Based on a large-scale study of more than 5,300 married couples, the clinical experience of a sex therapist, and the living stories of real people, authors Shaunty Feldhan and Michael Sitsma explain: Why do we make the mistake of thinking that "normal" sex looks the same to everyone?;• how do differences in desire relate to vulnerability, security, and emotional connection;• what really enhances intimacy in a long-term relationship and what, on the contrary, destroys it, even if done with the best of intentions.