Стая

V i͡unosti i͡a zabolela.Srazu vnesu i͡asnostʹ.V i͡unosti i͡a verila, chto istinnye, po-nastoi͡ashchemu dostoĭnye vnimanii͡a istorii li͡ubvi sostoi͡at iz stradaniĭ ili potrebnosti v kolossalʹnykh zhertvakh.Vot pochemu moi͡a vera byla tak krepka - potomu chto i͡a vynudila sebi͡a veritʹ. I͡A porodila sushchego mazokhista v serdt͡se romantika, chto i stalo prichinoĭ moego neduga.Mne ėto bylo nevedomo, kogda i͡a prozhivala svoi͡u istorii͡u, svoi͡u iskoverkannui͡u skazku, poskolʹku byla i͡unoĭ i naivnoĭ. I͡A poddalasʹ iskushenii͡u i vskormila ėtogo pulʹsirui͡ushchego monstra, kotoryĭ s kazhdym udarom, s kazhdym tolchkom, s kazhdym vzdokhom alchno zhelal bolʹshe.Tripl-Folls byl sovsem ne takim, kakim pokazalsi͡a snachala, kak i muzhchiny, kotorye prini͡ali meni͡a pod svoe krylo. No chtoby bytʹ s nimi, mne prishlosʹ statʹ souchastnit͡seĭ ikh sekretov.Sekretov, kotorye stoili mne vsego.Vot v chem neobychnostʹ vymysla v sravnenii s realʹnostʹi͡u. Nelʹzi͡a prozhitʹ zanovo istorii͡u svoeĭ li͡ubvi, potomu chto ona zakanchivaetsi͡a, kak tolʹko ty ponimaeshʹ, chto zhiveshʹ ei͡u. Vo vsi͡akom sluchae, tak bylo so mnoĭ i muzhchinami, kotorym i͡a doverila svoe glupoe serdt͡se.Spusti͡a stolʹko let i͡a ubezhdena, chto sama pretvorila svoi͡u istorii͡u v zhiznʹ pod natiskom bolezni.I vse ponesli nakazanie.

I got sick in my youth.I'll make it clear right away.In my youth, I believed that true, truly noteworthy love stories consist of suffering or the need for colossal sacrifices.That's why my faith was so strong—because I forced myself to believe. I gave birth to a real masochist in the heart of a romantic, which was the cause of my illness.I didn't know it when I was living my story, my twisted fairy tale, because I was young and naive. I succumbed to temptation and nurtured this pulsating monster, who with every blow, with every thrust, with every breath, greedily wanted more.Triple Falls was not at all what it seemed at first, as were the men who took me under their wing. But to be with them, I had to become an accomplice to their secrets.Secrets that cost me everything.That's what makes fiction unusual in comparison with reality. You can't relive your love story, because it ends as soon as you realize that you're living it. In any case, this was the case with me and the men to whom I entrusted my stupid heart.After so many years, I am convinced that I myself brought my story to life under the onslaught of illness.And everyone was punished.