Мы хотим по-разному. Интимные различия, из которых рождается близость в долгих отношениях

V dolgikh otnoshenii͡akh pochti neizbezhno nastupaet moment, kogda zhelanii͡a partnerov raskhodi͡atsi͡a. Odin khochet chashche. Drugoĭ - rezhe. Odin - spontannosti. Drugoĭ - romantiki. I vmesto blizosti poi͡avli͡aetsi͡a napri͡azhenie, obida i oshchushchenie, chto "s nami chto-to ne tak". Ėta kniga ne o pravilʹnom sekse, a o tom, kak na samom dele ustroeno zhelanie, pochemu razlichii͡a - ėto norma, a ne problema, i kak prevratitʹ ikh iz istochnika konfliktov v tochku garmonii. Opirai͡asʹ na masshtabnoe issledovanie bolee chem 5300 supruzheskikh par, klinicheskiĭ opyt seksopatologa i zhivye istorii realʹnykh li͡udeĭ, avtory Shaunti Felʹdkhan i Maĭkl Sitsma obʺi͡asni͡ai͡ut:• pochemu my oshibaemsi͡a, dumai͡a, chto "normalʹnyĭ" seks vygli͡adit odinakovo dli͡a vsekh;• kak razlichii͡a v zhelanii svi͡azany s ui͡azvimostʹi͡u, bezopasnostʹi͡u i ėmot͡sionalʹnoĭ svi͡azʹi͡u;• chto deĭstvitelʹno usilivaet blizostʹ v dolgikh otnoshenii͡akh i chto, naoborot, razrushaet ee, dazhe esli delaetsi͡a iz luchshikh pobuzhdeniĭ.

In a long-term relationship, there almost inevitably comes a time when the desires of the partners diverge. One wants it more often. The other one is rarer. One is spontaneity. The other is romance. And instead of intimacy, there is tension, resentment, and a feeling that "something is wrong with us." This book is not about proper sex, but about how desire really works, why differences are the norm, not the problem, and how to turn them from a source of conflict into a point of harmony. Based on a large-scale study of more than 5,300 married couples, the clinical experience of a sex therapist, and the living stories of real people, authors Shaunty Feldhan and Michael Sitsma explain: Why do we make the mistake of thinking that "normal" sex looks the same to everyone?;• how do differences in desire relate to vulnerability, security, and emotional connection;• what really enhances intimacy in a long-term relationship and what, on the contrary, destroys it, even if done with the best of intentions.